you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
