Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She bit a glass in half.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
