do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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