is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize