Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize