I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
