What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
