So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
