i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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