Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
