I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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