guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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