I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
