Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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