Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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