We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I understand Curling. That high.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
