Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
