I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
