Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize