i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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