Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
