Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
