even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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