he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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