Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize