I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
