if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You pole danced in your parka.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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