a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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