Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
