Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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