How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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