Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
