A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
