maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
