well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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