That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize