I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
