i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
