you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
