i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
whose parrot is this?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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