what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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