I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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