Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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