i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
