can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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