Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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