she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize