i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
