just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
