I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
