8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
