You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
