If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
