Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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