I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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