so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
