she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm too high and old for this...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
