Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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