My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you traded sex for a burrito?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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