Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Terrible idea I love it
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
