did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
