sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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