just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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