i already hear my dad disowning me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's shark week go big or go home
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
