You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
