handjob tips. give me some.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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