I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
